Oh, What a Hot Humid Country….
A light hearted look at living in Vietnam (with apologies to Rogers and Hammerstein) this is dedicated to the vagaries of my host country for almost six years, to all my friends and colleagues of the ILV past and present; for the sharing and the laughter, I thank-you. To be sung to the tune of “Oh, What a Beautiful Morning”
Chorus
Oh, what a hot humid morning,
Oh, what a bright Saigon Day,
I have the weirdest feeling
Everything’s coming my way eh!
That Moped is heading my way
The water tank came through the ceiling
The pump it did break in the night,
The water’s so high
It’s up to mid thigh
But the maid smiles and says ‘It’s alright’.
Chorus
There’s a fog like haze o’er the city,
The swimming pool’s developing slime.
There’s a ‘roach on the mat
The cat’s caught a rat
And the guard smiles ‘Madame it’s all fine’
Chorus
The power has been out all this morning
The ‘jenny’ has run out of fuel.
The lunch you had planned
Well it won’t be so grand’
But smile and you WILL keep your cool.
Chorus
Your driver speaks little or no English
‘We should have stopped there Mr.Phuoc.’
‘I’m late for my date’
Please turn around and wait’
He smiles ‘Madame- one way Look!!’
Chorus
The noise of this city is amazing
And the builders have moved in next door,
The dawn chorus crash
Smack! Bang! Wallop! And Smash!
Oh, smile I can’t take this much more.
Chorus
But when the sun’s out the light is fantastic
The café’s on the street so much fun.
The food is so cheap
So what’s the odd bleep?
I can smile ‘cos my six years is done!
Oh, what a hot humid morning’
Oh, what a bright Saigon day,
I have the weirdest feeling
Everything’s coming my way eh!
That TRUCK is heading my way!
Smile enjoy – Jacki Griffiths
|
Spa Experience - Free and Easy?
Spa – 'a fashionable resort or hotel', in my Compact Edition of Webster’s New Dictionary, is followed immediately by 'space – that in which material bodies have extension; extension in one, two, or three dimensions; room; an intervening distance; an open or empty place; regions remote from earth.' Well, truth be told, I have only visited a real spa once, but I saw a curious relationship between the two successive words when I read the definitions. My substantial, material body has spent extensive time in hotels of all descriptions – fashionable to tolerable,dimensions varying but always, always I have been able to distance myself in an empty place and project my psyche into another cosmos (well, at least feel recharged). And, I don’t have to make an expensive appointment with the spa desk of the hotel to rejuvenate myself. Here, dear ladies (and metro-sexuals), is a quick guide to a Spa Experience – Free and Easy, Sonnack style.
In all but the most basic accommodations in Asia, one will find the assorted supplies required to accomplish a revitalizing, DIY treatment that can be especially appreciated after an exhausting day of open market shopping (read 'haggling') in the tropical heat, or at the end of a long day on the beach refereeing your darling children’s squabbles. It’s also a relaxing way to pass the time while Spouse is doing ‘business” and you are the tag-along left to your own devices at the hotel for a few (read, “I don’t know when I’ll get back”) hours. You’ll be a much nicer parent or partner after indulging yourself in this simple, pampering regimen and it’s free!
First assemble the following from the stash of goodies typically provided in the hotel room: several tea bags (black, green, herbal or jasmine – you should be so lucky), sugar packets (all the better if it’s the chunky brown, raw kind), toothbrush (for hygienic reasons this means the hotel’s complimentary one – not your personal one!), body lotion, shampoo/conditioner and bath gel. Next, heat water in the ever-present electric kettle in preparation to brew two cups of tea while you arrange to take solitary, undisturbed proprietorship of the bathroom for the next hour or so. Use whatever methods you deem necessary and be as creative as you like – short of locking the kiddos on the balcony!!! Once that task is achieved, well, you’ll probably feel better already!
So, while filling the tub at your desired water temperature - with bath gel added to make a foamy, bubble bath - bring two cups of brewed tea into the bathroom and place safely within your reach. One cup is for imbibing (herbal, green or jasmine are most refreshing); save the second cup. NOTE: Do NOT discard the teabags. Lay them in an ashtray or saucer or, failing that, in the sink where they will be cooled by the porcelain. Lock the bathroom door and/or hang out the Do Not Disturb sign!
Submerge in the bath, sipping tea for as long as you’re comfortable – mind you don’t get a chill if that extends beyond 4 hours... While soaking (or save this for post-soak relaxation) use the tea bags as eye pads for 10 minutes. They reduce puffiness, redness, and relieve fatigued eyes. Breathe deeply and consciously unwind while your eyes are resting.
Next, wash and condition your hair. Brunettes and black haired beauties slowly pour the second cup of cooled tea through your hair for shiny highlights; blondes, use the tea rinse only if the tea is a light colored brew – or if you want to experiment with a new color! No joke. Before wrapping yourself in a towel, rub a small amount of body lotion over your damp skin to seal in moisture.
The final treatment is best performed sitting in the tub, on the ledge or commode. It is not recommended for the shower, as your feet get really slippery. Lightly towel dry one foot and both hands. Pour ½ sachet of raw sugar into your palm and add about 1-2 spoonfuls of body lotion. Gently massage the grainy mixture into your feet, especially heels, ankles and between your toes for one minute or more. Apply extra pressure to rough spots. Repeat on the other foot. Estee Lauder Crystal Glow Sugar Rub contains almost the same ingredients costs $55 for 3 ounces! Continue, using the toothbrush (the hotel’s – remember?), to scrub toenail and fingernail cuticles. For a tingly sensation, use their elf size toothpaste, too! Lastly, rinse with warm water under the tub faucet to thoroughly remove the goop, and pat those pretty tootsies dry.
Smile – you have the sweetest feet for free. And sparkling eyes and hair.
Okay, (deep breath) you’re ready to unlock the door, leave your space (yes, you really must), and plot how soon you can repeat your Free and Easy Spa Experience… Enjoy!
Eileen Sonnack
Compulsive Do-It-Yourself-er, written BEFORE I moved to Vietnam - where this treatment won’t set you back an ungodly sum at a real spa :-) Previously published in The Singapore American Newspaper
|
YOU KNOW YOU ARE AN EXPAT KID WHEN…
• You flew before you could walk.
• You can’t answer the question, “Where are you from?”
• You have a passport, but no driver’s license.
• You watch National Geographic specials, and recognize someone.
• You run into someone you know at every airport.
• You have a time zone map next to your telephone.
• Your life story uses the phrase “Then we went to…” five times
• You speak with authority on the quality of airline travel.
• The Travel Channel makes you homesick.
• You read the international section before the comics.
• You go home for vacation.
• You sort your friends by continent.
• Someone brings up the name of a team, and you get the sport wrong.
• You know there is no such thing as an international language.
• Your second major is in a foreign language you already speak.
• You realize it really is a small world, after all.
• You watch a movie, set in a foreign country, and you know what the nationals
are really saying into the camera.
• Rain on a tile patio – or a corrugated metal roof – is a wonderful sound.
• You haggle with the Wal-Mart checkout clerk for a lower price.
• You have a name in at least two different languages, and it’s not the same one.
• You think VISA is a document stamped in your passport, and not a credit card.
• You automatically take off your shoes as soon as you get home.
• You won’t eat Uncle Ben’s rice because it doesn’t stick together.
• Half of your phone calls are unintelligible to those around you.
• You go to Pizza Hut or Wendy’s and you wonder why there’s no chili sauce.
• You know the geography of the rest of the world, but not your own country.
• You ask your roommate when the maid service is scheduled to come and clean.
• You’re spoiled - and you know it.
Applicable to us expat ladies, too
|